Short short stories
by Soleiva Sitril
Summary: Some weird stories I thought of during boring school lessons. NEW CHAPTER! Draco wants to be a girl! RR
1. Good Idea

Title: Excellent Idea Author: Soleiva Sitril Disclaimer: *does the "I do not owe Harry Potter so do not sue me" dance*  
  
One day Draco Malfoy had an excellent Idea.  
  
"Harry" he said "Will you marry me, be my eternal love so we van live happily ever after?"  
  
"Well, no Draco." Harry replied.  
  
"Why not?" Draco said, bursting into tears.  
  
"It would be lovely Draco, to spend the hot summernights with you, to hug you and give you kisses while we're in potions class and it is not allowed. To watch the sun go down and to hold hands during the endless speaches of Dumbledore. It would be so romantic but..."  
  
"No my dear Harry" Draco was trying to stop this endless stream of tears by using a bleu, fluffy handkerchief. "Do not tell me there is a but!"  
  
"I am sorry Draco, but there is a but." Harry said. "Listen Draco, no matter how much I love you and no matter how romantic those hot summernights are. On the long run I have to think about having children who have to carry on my famous family name."  
  
"My god, Harry!" Draco shouted. "You are so right. How can I live without reproducing myself? I can imagine my father to be so proud when he sees my kids. He will never sexual abuse me again!"  
  
"Draco, listen. I have the most perfect plan! I shall propose Ginny. She's mad about me and she already does my blowjob-before-sleeping every night. She will bear my children while you shall propose Hermione. She needs an alibi for her love-affaire with Madam Hooch."  
  
"Oh, Harry, my love, my light in my life, my olive in my cocktail, tomato ketchup on my mashed potatoes, you are so brilliant. But do I really have to marry Hermione?"  
  
"No worry." Harry replied. "We will still be secret lovers."  
  
"Oh Harry, I feel so excited, I just can't hide it. Let's go to the dungeon and use Snape's Wheel o' Luv!"  
  
"Draco, that was the first clever idea I have heard from you today." Harry said, while following Draco to the dungeons.  
  
"And what about the marriadge? That was my idea."  
  
"Ow shut up, or else I won't let you ride my pony."  
  
"Sorry." 


	2. Circle of life

Title: Circle of life Author: Soleiva Sitril Disclaimer: I don't get paid for this, and I didn't come up with the brilliant Idea of Harry Potter.  
  
One day Hermione stood up in potions class.  
  
"Professor Snape" she said. "You are the purpose of my life, you are all I want, you are my missing link and you are my handsome prince on the white horse. Marry me so we can have legal sex."  
  
"I am sorry miss Granger." Was the potions master reply. "Although you offer sounds very temptuous, I must refuse it. Because I have a secret crush on mister Potter."  
  
It was now Harry's turn to stand up. "I will never have sex with you, professor, because I shall give my love to Draco Malfoy whom I love since the day I arrived at Hogwarts but never wanted to tell him."  
  
"Oh Harry!" Draco cried. "Why have you never told me that? I had a deep and secret crush on you and I believed you were my only love until I found out that the one I really loved was Crabbe."  
  
And Crabbe had a crush on Goyle who had a crush on Seamus, who had a crush on Lavender and so on and so on.  
  
"And that is why I have a crush on Hermione." Parvati said, closing the circle.  
  
Everybody applauded.  
  
"Ow boy, this is so marvelous." Snape said, whipping away his tears. "There is so much love in this room, I almost want to paint the walls pink."  
  
"Oh, yes professor, do so!" Draco cried. "So we can all stare at our loved ones while we are floathing on pink clouds."  
  
There was a big yay!!  
  
"I already have pink socks!" Ron said.  
  
There was another applause.  
  
"But." Hermione started. "All those things sound great but I want to do something else! Something more!"  
  
Suddenly the dungeon seemed to be packed in dark clouds. Everybody was instantly depressed and the was a 15 minute during silence. Finally;  
  
"We could have an orgy?" Neville Longbottom suggested.  
  
The kids roared and they had an orgy and oh, what an orgy it was. It was legendary, this orgy, it was. oh well, it was an orgy..  
  
~END 


	3. An important decision

Title: An important decision. Author: Soleiva Sitril Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.  
  
One day, on the teacher's table,. Severus Snape stood up to make an announcement.  
  
"I've had enough, I am bored and sick of it and I have decided to quit." He said. He paused.  
  
" Well, Severus." Dumbledore said. "With what?"  
  
"Listen! Let me talk, old fool, and do not interrupt me. I have had some sleepless nights about it and some more rough thinking but.." He paused again.  
  
"But what?!" The whole school roared.  
  
"I have decided to." Snape said and paused again.  
  
"To what?!" Everybody present shouted.  
  
"Let me speak, little prats! And don't interrupt me ever again.  
  
"Sorry." All students mumbled.  
  
"Right." Snape continued "Like I was trying to say, I have decided to quit sex and become a monk."  
  
"Oh no!" Everybody cried.  
  
"Oh yes. So from now on, there will be no more orgies in my dungeons, no hand jobs during lessons, no more sneaking under my desk and no more spinning of the wheel of luv."  
  
"Oh no!" Everybody yelled in despair. "We won't survive that! Don't do that to us, professor Snape! It would end us all!"  
  
"I am so sorry." Snape said. "But I have made this decision and I cannot take it back."  
  
"But what about tomorrow's weekly orgy?" McGonagall asked.  
  
"I am glad you mention that, Minerva. Because that one isn't cancelled at all. Lupin will take care of it."  
  
"Oh Yes!" The crowd roared. "We thank you for not canceling tomorrow's orgy!"  
  
"In fact." Snape said, while jumping upon the table and showing everyone he wasn't wearing anything underneath his robes except from a tight leather jeans and a red silk bra. "It will be you last opportunity to see the master in action!"  
  
And so they danced and where happy and tomorrow's orgy wasn't cancelled. 


	4. Morningtalk

Title: Morning talk (play for three)  
  
Author: Soleiva Sitril  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all belongings are not mine. *sings disclaimer song*  
  
One morning on the Gryffindor table.  
  
Ron: Did you two knew Snape's bisexual?  
  
*Harry and Hermione turn red and burst into gigglings*  
  
*Ron stears at the ceiling in a desperate way*  
  
Ron: What's the matter with you two?  
  
Harry: He wears pink socks!  
  
Hermione: And lovely yellow onderwear.  
  
Harry: I thought he wore blue, at least, he does when I...  
  
Hermione: But he always wears the same red bra.  
  
Harry: That's true.  
  
*Ron starts crying*  
  
Ron: Why do you two have all the fun and why am I always the stupid sidekick? I want to be shagged by him too. I want too feel his manhood inside me! I want... Well, everything you ever got from him and I had to miss.  
  
*Harry puts his arms around Ron*  
  
Harry: But you are the only one who ever had sexual intercourse with Malfoy, Grabbe and Goyle at the same time.  
  
*Ron cheers a little up*  
  
Ron: Harry, you are right, I am the only one who ever had sexual intercourse with Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle at the same time!  
  
Hermione: And you were the only one who was able to shag Parvati and Lavender at the same time.  
  
Ron: But that was after you accidently multiplied my cock.  
  
Harry: Now, don't moan and be happy and think of all those lovely memories. Give me a kiss. Will you be happy?  
  
*Ron murmels something and Harry sighs*  
  
Harry: Allright, you get your blowjob. But only after I have finished my dinner.  
  
*Ron cheers up and they live happily ever after*  
  
~END 


	5. Draco's big day

Draco is not mine, Harry is not mine, Hermione is not mine and the Metatron is not mine. And Loretta is not mine. Holy dung, I steal a lot. I must be a criminal!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
One day, Draco Malfoy decided he wanted to be a girl. So he grew his hair and made it into two adorable ponytails and put on a lovely dress. He was a cute girl. Every Slitherin boy was immediatly in love with him... her. The girls whept knowing Draco would never love them now being a girl.  
  
Draco froliced into the great hall, receiving shocked looks from everything that wasn't Slitherin or... Harry Potter, who was drooling. He ran to Draco, taking him by the hand.  
  
"You are the most adorable and lovely creature I have ever seen." Harry whispered, staring into the ice gray eyes. "Will you marry me, Draco?"  
  
"Don't call me Draco, call me Loretta."  
  
"Will you marry me, Loretta?"  
  
"Yes, I will."  
  
The great hall was now filled with pink and red paper hearts that came whirl down from the ceiling. A romantic music played and all eyes were filled with tears of affection.   
  
But then, before it got too fluffy (I hate fluffy!!!) Hermione interrupted.   
  
"Harry is mine!!" she shrieked. She grabbed Harry's hand and ran of with him.   
  
"Nooooooo!!!" Loretta yelled, running off, behind her. "Harry is mine, you tart!"   
  
Hermione jumped on Alladin's flying carpet. Loretta wanted to follow but her broom was eaten by professor Flitwick. She collapsed on the floor and started to cry. But luckily Snape was there, dressed as the Metatron.  
  
"I am the Metatron, voice of the one...."   
  
"Shut up and help me find Harry!!" Loretta shouted.  
  
The Metatron took Loretta in his arms and flew of with her. Soon they found Harry, tied up to a dentist chair. Loretta untied the poor Harry.  
  
"Oh Loretta, Hermione wanted me to marry her. If I refused, whe would... destroy my dentures..." Harry started to cry. Loretta took him in his armes and cuddled him.   
  
"You are save now, my love. I am with you."  
  
"Cut the crap, please..." The Metatron said, impatiently.  
  
Harry noticed the short haired angle behind Loretta and fell in love with him. The Metatron also fell in love with him. They flew off, leaving Loretta behind with a crazy Hermione. He merely shrugged, cut off his ponytails, turned back into Draco and married Hermione. They lived happily ever after and ate Lemondrops.  
  
Moral of this story: If you don't brush your teeth enough, you get dentures.  
  
~End 


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